Dream: The Young Couple
By David Sunfellow
February 14-15, 2012

I had the sweetest little dream last night. It grew out of trying, once again, to come to a deeper understanding of how to relate to other people. When should we go along with something; when should we opt out, how can we go along or opt out in a good way; a way that leaves both people feeling seen, loved, appreciated?

In the dream, there was a young couple who had just gotten married and never had sex. They were enthusiastic about their relationship, but nervous, insecure, and unsure about sex, and themselves. How does this whole sex thing work? What should they do, think, feel?

They were talking to a sweet woman, who was a counselor. With great tenderness, she told them that things were very simple. All you need to do is ask the other person “How does this feel? Does this feel good to you? Do you like it? Am I touching you the way you like to be touched? More? Less? Here? There?”

The key, she said, was communicating — and caring about the other person. If you communicated, cared, and didn’t try to force the other person to do or be something that they felt uncomfortable about, all would be well.

Then I woke up feeling like I had eavesdropped on one of the sweetest conversations ever.


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