I Often Dealt With Suicidal Thoughts

“It took my spirit longer to recover than my body, though that in itself was a long time. I was very depressed, for many years, and often dealt with suicidal thoughts because the desire to be ‘home’ was so great. I was confused for the longest time. I was afraid. I found being in a body painful, restricting and limiting. I am still greatly uncomfortable with it…”

Near-Death Experiencer Rachel Finch


NDE Research Dr. Jeffrey Long On Suicide

“Due to the overwhelming percentage of loving and warm experiences reported in near-death experiences (NDEs), I occasionally receive e-mails from people, often in a depression, wondering if they should try suicide in order to induce one. I immediately respond: ‘Absolutely not!’ I encourage those who are depressed to seek counseling and also to discuss their life issues with their health-care team. People who had near-death experiences as a result of suicide attempts almost uniformly later believe that their suicide attempts were serious mistakes. An NDE should never be sought by creating a life-threatening event.”

— NDE Researcher Dr. Jeffrey Long, page ix, God and the Afterlife


Near-Death Experiencer Dr. Eben Alexander On Suicide

“Scientific studies of spiritually transformative experiences (STEs), particularly research focused on near-death experiences occurring to persons who have survived suicide attempts, tell us that those who commit suicide deeply regret the choice they made to end their own life. They wish they could take it back and find a way to persevere against all obstacles, no matter how great. We also know from research into STEs that the meaning and purpose of life is to love one another.

“Bodily death comes to everyone and everything eventually and inevitably. Yet, consciousness survives bodily death and lives on eternally. When death comes as the natural conclusion of one’s life on Earth, it is a transition from this reality to the greater all-encompassing absolute reality that awaits us ‘on the other side.’ Such observations describe, but do not glorify death.  

“Life is a precious sacred gift. It has a transcendent purpose. It is meant to be lived and enjoyed to the fullest. To end it prematurely is a refusal of that gift and a denial of all the opportunities for spiritual growth that could have come throughout one’s natural lifetime. Each new day brings new opportunities and possibilities. Try to see beyond the moment and know that the emotion and despair you may be feeling right now can and will shift in time. Tomorrow is a new day.”

— NDEr Dr. Eben Alexander‘s Eternea website


More From Dr. Eben Alexander On Suicide

“Dr. Raymond Moody has reported that one of the few categorically true observations to be made about suicide is that, if one attempts suicide and experiences any of the features of an NDE (encountering brilliant light and an overwhelming sense of a divine force of love in the universe, meeting souls of departed loved ones, etc.), then he or she will never attempt suicide again.

“The commonly encountered pattern is that those who fail in suicide attempts are generally doomed to repeat their attempts. So this powerful effect of NDE elements preventing future suicide attempts is remarkable, indeed. NDE reports from observation across the veil also suggest that, during the life review, those who succeed at suicide likely witness a profound sense of love that others and the universe at large have for them, and gain comfort from that revelation, but they also realize the deep pain that many felt in their loss.

“In short, suicide is never the right answer. The more we can nurture a sense of connectedness and purpose in our lives (of “spirituality”), the less likely people will be tempted to “end it all.” The other fact of this discussion is that suicide will never work as an escape from worldly problems, especially as one comes to realize that modern consciousness studies imply the reality not only of the afterlife, but of reincarnation. That particular dodge (of suicide) doesn’t solve the soul’s challenges and necessity of facing the issues at hand — if ignored or avoided, they will only be repackaged in a different form for one’s next incarnation. The world of transpersonal psychology is filled with such stories of soul challenges arranged over multiple lifetimes — all with the purpose of growth and learning. NDE experiences clearly show that the guiding compass of our soul journeys is one that acknowledges the binding force of love that connects us all.

“There is no way out, but through. It is better to deal with the big challenges in this lifetime, never resorting to suicide as an exit plan. Together with medical or mental health treatment, as appropriate, meditation and centering prayer often yield access to our higher soul, and to guidance in helping us see this grander vision of our challenges, and of their solutions…”

— NDEr Dr. Eben Alexander – Suicide Epidemic Relates To Spiritual Vacuum


PMH Atwater On Child Experiencers & Suicide

“Child experiencers of near-death states do not respond to their experience in the same manner as do adults. Children compensate; they do not integrate. For that reason, it is not unusual for a child experiencer to take 20 to 30 years or more before they begin to ask questions about what happened to them and why they have always been a little ‘different’ from their peers. Once they ‘connect the dots’ and recognize how their experience really did have a tremendous affect on their lives and the choices they made, they begin to open up in healthy, new ways. In my research base of 277 child experiencers, 21% attempted suicide within about eight years to get back to The Other Side. None of those I had sessions with thought they were doing anything negative or hurtful by taking such action; they just wanted to return to the bright worlds — the place of their homey home. I discuss this conundrum at length in my book, Children Of The New Millennium. Micellanea’s case began with an attempted suicide and included many other attempts later on. What Micellanea went through and why should inspire all of us to get the word out, educate people, about the special needs of children. Whether their experience was fun or frightening, kids could use a little extra help processing what they went through.”

— PMH Atwater – Michellanea – “Getting Back to the Other Side”


NDE Researcher Raymond Moody On Suicide

Excerpted from “Life After Life
By Raymond Moody

Have you ever interviewed anyone who has had a near-death experience in association with a suicide attempt? If so, was the experience any different?

I do know of a few cases in which a suicide attempt was the cause of the apparent “death.” These experiences were uniformly characterized as being unpleasant.

As one woman said, “If you leave here a tormented soul, you will be a tormented soul over there, too.” In short, they report that the conflicts they had attempted suicide to escape were still present when they died, but with added complications. In their disembodied state they were unable to do anything about their problems, and they also had to view the unfortunate consequences which resulted from their acts.

A man who was despondent about the death of his wife shot himself, “died” as a result, and was resuscitated. He states:

I didn’t go where [my wife] was. I went to an awful place. . . . I immediately saw the mistake I had made. . . . I thought, “I wish I hadn’t done it.”

Others who experienced this unpleasant “limbo” state have remarked that they had the feeling they would be there for a long time. This was their penalty for “breaking the rules” by trying to release themselves prematurely from what was, in effect, an “assignment” — to fulfill a certain purpose in life.

Such remarks coincide with what has been reported to me by several people who “died” of other causes but who said that, while they were in this state, it had been intimated to them that suicide was a very unfortunate act which attended with a severe penalty. One man who had a near-death experience after an accident said:

[While I was over there] I got the feeling that two things it was completely forbidden for me to do would be to kill myself or to kill another person. . . . If I were to commit suicide, I would be throwing God’s gift back in his face. . . . Killing somebody else would be interfering with God’s purpose for that individual.

Sentiments like these, which by now have been expressed to me in many separate accounts, are identical to those embodied in the most ancient theological and moral argument against suicide — one which occurs in various forms in the writings of thinkers as diverse as St. Thomas Aquinas, Locke, and Kant. A suicide, in Kant’s view, is acting in opposition to the purposes of God and arrives on the other side viewed as a rebel against his creator. Aquinas argues that life is a gift from God and that it is God’s prerogative, not man’s, to take it back.

In discussing this, however, I do not pass a moral judgment against suicide. I only report what others who have been through this experience have told me…


NDE Researcher Raymond Moody On Suicide

Excerpted from “Paranormal: My Life In Pursuit Of The Afterlife
By Raymond Moody with Paul Perry

Excerpt from Chapter 15:

In my office I opened the bottle of Darvon and poured the pills out onto my desk. Then I began to take them several at a time with gulps from a can of Coca-Cola. I took about two dozen of the pills and then sat down at the desk. For some reason I called Paul Perry.

“I’ve done it,” I said with a note of finality.

“Done what?” he asked.

Paranormal“I’ve taken pills and I’m dying,” I said. “I want you to be the last person I talk to.”

I could hear the controlled panic in Paul’s voice as he started to ask a series of questions: “What did you take? How many did you take? Where are you?”

I became somewhat angry at the line of questioning. I could tell that he wanted to get enough information to somehow intervene from Arizona. But I didn’t want an intervention. What I wanted was good conversation in the final moments of my life.

“Look, Paul, I have researched death, and I know it’s nothing to be afraid of. I will be better off dead.”

And that was genuinely how I felt. Myxedema madness had put me in the throes of a paranoia and despair so great that I felt everyone would be better off if I was no longer around. No amount of talk could convince me otherwise. Paul suggested a number of possible solutions to my problems, including an agent and CPA to straighten out my money problems and a new press tour to arouse interest in the book. I would hear none of it. I was ready to die.

“You know, Paul, being alive holds more fear for me than being dead. I have talked to hundreds of people who have crossed into death, and they all tell me that it’s great over there,” I said. “Every day I wake up afraid of the day. I don’t want that anymore.”

“What about your children?” Paul asked.

“They’ll all understand,” I said resolutely. “They know I’m not happy here. They’ll be sad, but they’ll understand. It’s time for me to leave.”

I could hear someone jiggling the office door knob as we spoke. Then there was a pounding on the heavy wooden door, a couple of raps at first and then a persistent drumbeat. Then a loud voice. “Campus police, open the door.”

I ignored the demand and kept talking to Paul, taking a few more pills as we spoke. Within seconds a key was slipped into the door lock and the door sprang open. Policemen rushed in and before I could say much of anything they had put my hands behind me and sat me on the floor.

One of the policemen picked up the phone and began talking to Paul. Apparently Paul asked about the presence of pills, because the policeman began to count the pills on the desk. When he did that, he dropped the phone on the desk and from his police radio he dialed 911.

An overdose of Darvon has little effect on a person until it reaches a critical blood level. Then the painkiller overwhelms the heart’s beating mechanism and quickly stops it cold. A dentist friend who had seen someone overdose on Darvon said it was like falling off a table: the person was operating fine until he just dropped to the floor. I knew that the same thing would happen to me shortly. All I had to do was wait. I sat patiently on the floor as EMTs charged up the stairs with their gurney and equipment.

“Are you okay?” asked one of the EMTs.

“Sure,” I said, and I was. Never better actually. I was not afraid of death, but I had obviously become very afraid of life.

Things began to happen fast after that. My chest felt very heavy, and I had the feeling of slipping into a dark blue place. They hoisted me onto the gurney and strapped me in and rolled me quickly down the passageway to the waiting ambulance.

As they loaded me into the ambulance the world around me began to fade. The concerned EMT was in my face, trying to keep me awake. Another EMT was drawing something into a very large syringe, probably adrenaline to inject into my heart. “Better get going,” shouted one of the policemen as he slammed the rear doors. I could feel the ambulance accelerate, hitting speed bumps hard as we headed for the hospital. An elephant was sitting on my chest. My eyes were closed, or at least I think they were. Either way, I could see nothing.

My heart stopped.

What happened next is almost indescribable, but I will do my best to make it less so. I could feel myself separate from the world around me. In a funny way it was almost like cellophane being pulled off a smooth surface, one reality separating from another.

I sensed spirits around me, helpful presences, who were there to guide me through this separation. I tried to see these spirit guides, but I could not make them out because I was surrounded by a light that was not of this world. I could hear them speaking, and although I couldn’t make out what was being said, their presence was soothing and calm and I felt a radiant love from them. I didn’t have an opportunity to examine myself in this state to see what I looked like or was made of. And I didn’t have the time I would have liked to try to make contact with the spirits either. Instead, I felt myself “start up” again as the doctors pumped my stomach and gave me a shot of a stimulant to the heart. The light went away, the spirits were there no more, and I came to in an emergency room.

That’s what it’s all about! I said to myself as I lay there on the bed. I didn’t feel I’d been dead long enough to have a classic near-death experience, but at least I got close enough to see the city limits. I was oddly pleased. After defining, naming, and studying near-death experiences, I could now say I’d had one and, yes, it was real.

I lay in the bed reliving the experience. There was nothing unreal about it. If anything, it was almost mundane, as though I had opened a door and walked into a strange room. I wondered what would have happened if my heart had been stopped longer. Would the spirit beings around me have become visible? And were they people I knew and loved? Would the light have changed and become that palpable and mystical light so many talk about? Would my life have come back to me in a review? Would I have been introduced into a life after life?

I puzzled over these questions for some time and then settled on what I knew — that an extraordinary transformation of consciousness had taken place at the point of death. I did not go into a blackness, as so many assume will happen. Rather, I found myself in a richer, deeper, and more real state of consciousness. I had gone somewhere that so many have described as heaven…

I have found one positive side to my suicide attempt. Now, when people come to me with suicidal thoughts, I can talk to them with firsthand knowledge about this horrible urge. I freely share my own story of attempted suicide and tell them why I am glad I didn’t succeed. I also bring in the data about people who have tried to commit suicide and had near-death experiences before being revived. These people say that they will never again try to kill themselves, not because they fear going to hell, but because they have learned that life does have a purpose.


NDE Researcher Kevin Williams On Suicide

“Near-death experiences reveal the quality of our lives after death is not determined by HOW we die, but by how we LIVE. Unfortunately, many suicides cause devastating emotional damage to families lasting a lifetime or more. This is the REAL tragedy and the problem with committing suicide. While near-death experiences show that suicide, in itself, has spiritual consequences which are no different from other ways of dying, it does show there are penalties for hurting others. This is why people who decide to justifiably end their life must do the research and prepare themselves and those around them.”

— NDE Researcher Kevin Williams, Near-Death Experiences and Suicide


Near-Death Experiencer Sandra Rogers

“As my life review continued, I encountered again all of the pain and hopelessness of my next several years; a series of bad relationships, pregnancies, miscarriages, broken marriages and suicide attempts. I saw myself as a young woman of twenty-five, married and divorced three times and hospitalized for drug overdoses six times. I felt how I hated my existence and could not understand how a loving God could allow these things to happen.

“I was aware as I relived each of these terribly painful events in my life that the Light, which was with me as I watched, felt all of my pain and sorrow and never judged me, but instead understood and loved me.

“The love I felt from the Light was overwhelming and I never wanted to leave it. While I was in Its presence I had unlimited knowledge about anything I wanted to know. I was given the choice of remaining with the Light, provided I return later to the physical world and experience all that brought me to the point of shooting myself, or I could return now and pick up my life where it was. I was told that I would eventually have the family and love I so desperately yearned for. I was also told that I could only take back the knowledge I needed to sustain myself, although I would be given insights to help others and me along the way as I continued my life journey.”


George Ritchie’s Three Classifications of Suicide
By NDE Researcher Kevin Williams


41XkDsrC1eL._SX322_BO1,204,203,200_Dr. George Ritchie, author of Return From Tomorrow and My Life After Dying, learned during his near-death experience what happens to some people who commit suicide. According to Ritchie, the quality of life a person initially finds after suicide is influenced by their motive for committing it. He classifies suicide in the following three ways:

1. The first classification are those people who kill themselves in order to hurt someone, get revenge, or who kill themselves out of anger for someone else. They arrive in the earthbound realm out of hatred, jealousy, resentment, bitterness and total distain for themselves and others. Ritchie writes, “I want to make clear that it was impressed upon me that these were the ones who had the same type of powerful emotions which people who committed murder have.” (p.25) Ritchie says such people mistakenly believe they are not committing murder which their religious training tells them is a worse sin than suicide. Their motive for killing themself is, “If I can’t kill you, I will kill myself to get even with you.” According to Ritchie, such people “haunt” the living by being aware of every horrible consequence their suicide had on others.

2. The second classification includes those who, because of mental illness, confusion, or a terminal illness, take their own life. Ritchie states these people are allowed many opportunities from God to grow in love just as any other person would who had not committed suicide. In other words, there are no negative consequences for them.

3. The third classification includes those who kill themselves from drug, alcohol, or any other addiction. According to Ritchie, these people can become stuck in limbo trying in vain to satisfy their addiction until eventually something frees them. This condition is also called an earthbound condition.

Concerning souls belonging to the first classification, Ritchie writes:

“I understood from what I was seeing that these people and the average murderer also are confined in a state where they are given a chance to realize two very important facts. One, you can only kill the body, not the soul. Two, that only love, not hate, can bring them and others true happiness. I believe once they fully understand this, they are given the opportunity to continue their spiritual and mental growth.”


Beyond The Darkness
By Angie Fenimore

Amazon Description:

A woman recounts her near-death experiences after her 1991 suicide attempt, in which she remembers a terrifying, hell-like world of psychic chaos, from which she was granted a merciful return. 



Why did Angie write her book?

Excerpt (begins at 38:38 in the video above):

1 – “Suicide is not a solution. I don’t care what your belief system is, whatever it is, suicide is just not a solution because that’s just not how — look for the evidence around you — that’s not how it works…

2 – “It was seeing all these so-called positive near-death experiences where people go to a pillar of light, tunnel of light, all that, and I knew that’s not the only way that it can go. I felt completely, strongly that people need to know that it’s not always like that.”


Click here to learn more about Angie and her suicide-induced near-death experience.


Emanuel Swedenborg On Suicide

To learn more about Emanuel Swedenborg, go here.


“You Forgot That I Love You”

I asked the voice, are you God? And the answer I got was “Yes.”

The voice sounded masculine, but it was as if a waterfall or mountain could talk, if that makes sense. It sounded like no human voice I have ever heard before.

I had to ask this. I asked “Does Jesus exist?”

The answer I got was “Jesus is God.”

And then I realized that must be who I was talking to, the spirit of Jesus.

I even asked again to confirm. “Jesus is God?!” I asked.

And the response was “Yes.”

And this is going to sound silly, but I let it slip that I hated Christianity. And this voice of God laughed! God has a great sense of humor! Then I realized I didn’t hate Christianity and definitely did not hate Jesus, I just did not like some of his followers.

I asked this question, “Why am I so depressed all of the time?”

The response I got was “You forgot that I love you.”

As I spoke with God, His love for me, this intense love that I can’t explain, was making me feel powerful. I think for a little while God let me see through His eyes. I suddenly felt love for everyone.

— Krystal Winzer describing her spiritually transformative experience


Boom! The Life and Times of a Suicide Near Death Experiencer
By Chris Batts

Amazon Description:

“This is the true story of how I tried to kill myself only to learn to love myself and be happy because my near death experience (NDE) was the best thing that ever happened to me. My NDE amazed me. I didn’t think such things were possible. I never expected to meet God or those I call my guardian angels, but I did. And I never expected to be able to communicate with my guardian angels on an ongoing basis as a result. BOOM! is the true story of my life before and after my NDE from jumping out of a moving car. BOOM! also includes insights and guidance from my guardian angels on the spiritual realms and how to improve our lives on earth.”




“While the person who commits suicide dies only once, the loved ones left behind may die a thousand deaths wondering why.”

— Anonymous



Helpful Resources:

• If You Are Considering Suicide, Help Is Available (Dr. Eben Alexander)
• Near-Death Experiences and Suicide (
• Is Suicide Ever Appropriate (NHNE Forum Discussion)
• Near-Death Experiences on the Purpose of Life (NHNE)
• Dr. Kenneth Ring’s Suicide Near-Death Experience Research (
• Dr. Peter Fenwick’s Suicide Near-Death Experience Research (



Near-Death Experiencers Who Attempted Suicide

• Yolaine Stout
• Sandra Rogers
• Angie Fenimore
• Nadia McCaffrey
Ashli (attempted suicide twice)
• Asher Elmekiess
• Benjamin
• Cree Dean
• Dalyrada
• Roberta Misikin
• Rod Cooley
• Steve
• Near-Death Experiencers Who Attempted Suicide (
• Near-Death Experience Research on Suicide (